I never get affected by anything, till now...Update

[Groove]

Well im usually the most laid back guy you will ever meet. Nothing has ever phased me in lifes decisions. Nothing has ever seem to bother me. I dont get angry or sad much, just usually a jolly guy. Now though, ive just heard the first thing to make me stop and think.

My ex/fuckbuddy/best girl mate is pregnant, which is aparently mine.

Thats pretty fucking scary stuff.

I can tell she wants it, though shes only 18 and crap pay. She said its my choice though, which for me is good but i cant make the decision on my own can i?

I couldnt afford to bring up a kid, im only 19 myself, just got a loan for a bike and still living at home with only an low to average payin job (less than £20k). The most important bit of it though is, im pretty sure i dont want to be with her.

She said if she was to have it, i can have as much or as little to do with it as i want. Isnt there a minimum you have to pay though if your not together? I have no idea on the workings of child upbringings!

I would love a kid later in life, but i want to live my life before bringing up another!

Im just a bit confused at the moment. Random tired rambalings from a kid who dont want to tell his parents what hes done I dont even know the point of posting this, just had to get it off my chest i spose?

Oh well, thanks for listning.

Shes having a scan twomorrow and im seeing her this weekend, so ill let you know on the outcome.

I think i know what the answers are going to be, but what would you do?


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[colin1]

heavy shit.

i'll think of you next time the idea of sex outside a stable relationship appeals.

I cant give any advice, but hope you make the right decision, whatever that is.

good luck
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[Dischord]

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Damn, I think that's every young lads worst nightmare, can't imagine how it must feel hope you sort it, and for your sake it's not yours
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[Dave McCool]

Run for the hills.

Nah, seriously, there's no solid advice anyone can give I wouldn't have thought, it comes down to what you and her want. Ultimately, it is her decision, consider yourself reasonably lucky (even if you don't feel it) that she at least seems to be bringing you in on this. Although this does mean there's a good chance she'll be dragging you into it when it gets difficult.

Is she sure that it's yours? I'd be very certain of it if you're considering paying child maintenance fees...

If neither of you feel ready for a kid, I say this to everyone in this situation and no bugger ever listens, consider having it adopted. Give the little'un, and some desperate wannabe parents, a chance. You might just make their lives.
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[CaNsA]

i agree with what he (dave) said up there.

If both of you are not in a position then make the right choice. If you and her cannot provide for a child then do the right thing. Its not fair to either of you, or the child to "struggle" though.

OR

You can man up and do the best u can. 20k a year isnt too bad matey.

My 2 pence

[TUG]

Only takes a second to put a bloody rubber on mate. Fucking hell.
DNA test here you come.
If it was me mate i would of used the protection, then if she got pregnant anyway, i'd bring the kid up as my child, because thats what i would like if i was born, a father, and a mother a family regardless of age.
If your not gunna take resposeability for your actions keep it in your pants.
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[chris-red]

You clearly don't want it or the responsiblity of it tell her exactly how you feel, but if she decides to keep it step up and be a man and look after it.
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[craigie b]

If she's asking for your input and you do not want the child then you should maybe consider abortion whilst still in the early stages.

If she is dead set against the idea then your input really is limited to how you can support her.

If the latter is the case the YOU need to get a DNA test. If she was a casual fuck buddy then realistically the child could be anyone's and its not fair laying the responsibility at your feet if you are not the father. Of course if you ae the father then it is very much your responsibility.

My heart goes out to both of you.

[iooi]

[kitty kat]

Unfortunately that was a chance you took with neither of you using contraception.

Ultimately the decision as to what happens now is hers, but if she does continue with the pregnancy then if I were you I would insist on a DNA test as soon as possible after baby is born.

Good luck with everything
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[shonajoy]

The thing that strikes me is that you say *apparently yours*. Do you doubt it is? If you do, you need to clear this up fast. You will end up resenting her and the baby otherwise, and if you did make a go of it, that's no way to start a relationship, especially since you are not sure you want to be with her anyway.

If you are honest with her and tell her you don't want to be with her, you mjay find she has an abortion anyway- she may have been hoping for the happy ending with you.....

You are doing the mature thing by asking for advice, but I have to say I'd not want to go through having a child at the age of 20 again, it's a long hard road to travel, and it changes everything. Speak to your family too, I hope you manage to work things out, best of luck to you.
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[Itchy]

bah ,

DNA test when its born , if its yours , take responsibility and give her 1/4 - 1/3 of your pay cheque else the CSA may impose something MUCH worse on you.

You live by then pork sword you die by it.

Not to generalise but almost ALL my mates from school/college were trapped like this, the first GF they met invariably got pregnant , it was usually very shortly after he decided to get rid of condoms and she went on the pill, and conveiniently forgot to take it for a week.

Perhaps out of a circle of 23 , only 4 of us don't have children.
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[JonB]

I bet we see you on Jeremy Kyle in about 11 months.

Be prepared to sell up on a lot of things to fund it.

Gonna have to stop acting like a kid now and do some serious growing up, kids are not toys, they are human beings so require a huge responsibility.

That's why at the moment, I use protection.
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[Wafer_Thin_Ham]

Me and my missus had a scare a couple of weeks about, we were both shitting bricks for want of a better phrase. All was ok in the end though, she was just getting worried over nothing.

I'm 19 too, so she's both at uni, you've got to abort it or you'll be ruining your life before it's truely begun. I'm sure I'll get flamed, but you'll be ruining both your lives and it's really not worth it. You'll both have plenty of time later on in your life when you're both in stable employment/relationship(s).

Talk her round, it's not something you want hanging over your head.
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[JonB]

On the contrary, me and Shell had a mini scare about 3 months back.

We are both at uni and worked out that we would cope, i'd just have to try extra hard to get my qualifications and i'd have to get a part-time job whilst at uni.

Don't think we'd ever consider abortion. I'm not sure I morally agree with it anyway, if you don't want a baby then use protection.
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[Kickstart]

Hi

Tough one. Sorry to hear about the situation. Unfortunatly it is her choice, and one that (due to the protective way the mind / body works) she is not best able to decide unemotionally at the moment.

[D O G]

[Whosthedaddy]

I had an idea for a buisness, 'Frozen Pops'.

A mobile sperm collection bus as it were, some private cubicles to produce with wipe clean LCD TV's, laminated girly or manly mags and a cup. I'd give you £20 for your time (theres money to be made in fluid).

After a little more research the major problem is that the register for sperm donors is no longer secret or autonomous, this then means that if you'd donate some sperm that then produces in a child, in theory you may then be liable for support and financial upbringing of that child as it may be traced back to you by a paper trail.

Whether you are in or out of the relationship with the young lady then you do have a responsibility and should provide something for their future.

The lessons are harsh and hindsight is a wonderful thing.
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[fenton]

I think if she said to you that its "your choice" then shes hoping youll say abortion. Other wise shes have said, im keeping it, but you can stay away.

P.S. dont be a fool, wrap up your tool!
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[Kal]

[Kitten]

No matter what you think, you must bear in mind that abortions are not straight forward for some women. It is not just a case of 'get rid of it'. The way some of you are talking makes it appear to be very simple, but it isn't.

I cannot talk from personal experience, but have had friends who have gone through it and it can leave a very large permanent psychological scar. Plus there are physical implications also.

Whatever you decide together (and there is no right or wrong decision, whatever you chose will be the right decision), you need to be respectful, supportive and consider all implications of your decision and actions.
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[Itchy]

[syl]

[Kickstart]

[Itchy]