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mr.z
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PostPosted: 16:30 - 22 Feb 2006    Post subject: Funeral fun... Reply with quote

Tomorrow is my grandads funeral, despite my grandparents living 10minutes walking distance ive not seen them for 10 years (possibly more) 10 years ago my mum just stopped making the effort (dont think they have ever been to our house ever, certainly not in my lifetime), i never got cards for birthdays and all that rubbish (not that i'd been even remotely interested), one occasion long ago my dad was talking about me for one reason or another and my grandad couldn't remember my name, and just couldn't be arsed to try and remember, gave up and changed the subject.. theres much more unrelated to me but wont go into that..

Its not really bothered me, its just one of those things, my dads parents died long before i was arround, just accepted not having grandparents..

Now heres the thing.. my parents want me to go to the funeral... and to be quite frank i couldn't be less interested, in fact it would make me a hypocrite, i'm not sure i could stand there like an idiot with a blank expression... it would just be very very wrong imo..

Why is it when you drop dead that everyone who couldn't give a shit before, suddenly you've become this great person everybody liked and will miss loads and loads? I'd be roaly pissed off if people i didn't like or care about being there spouting bullshit about how much they liked you..


Just wondered what people thought, allready decided what i'm going to do.

(I'm not after sympathy whatsoever, i know people who have parents separated or dead even dieing, any of which are infinitely worse.. so its really not all that much of a big deal...)

For anyone who read this far thanks for reading and apologies for the slight rantyness..
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BanditBitch
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PostPosted: 16:47 - 22 Feb 2006    Post subject: Re: Funeral fun... Reply with quote

mr.z wrote:

Now heres the thing.. my parents want me to go to the funeral... and to be quite frank i couldn't be less interested, in fact it would make me a hypocrite, i'm not sure i could stand there like an idiot with a blank expression... it would just be very very wrong imo..


If I were in your situation, I reckon I would feel the same.

mr.z wrote:
Why is it when you drop dead that everyone who couldn't give a shit before, suddenly you've become this great person everybody liked and will miss loads and loads? I'd be roaly pissed off if people i didn't like or care about being there spouting bullshit about how much they liked you..


Yeah I know what you mean, they suddenly turn into 'devoted family man', when they didnt give a shit.

When I go..... I want somebody who knows me very well..... to stand up and tell it like it is. I wouldnt like anyone making me out to a saint cos I know I am not. Infact I would find it funny if they were all discussing my faults.
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www.125power.com
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Joined: 04 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: 17:04 - 22 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you think they would have gone to your funeral because they "wanted" to then go if not dont........just my view on the situation, not going could cause friction with other family members, no -one can make you go....
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Visitor Q
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Joined: 30 Apr 2004
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PostPosted: 17:23 - 22 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Everyone loves you when you're dead.

All this diana nonsense, that brazilian thief who got shot etc.

If it were me, i wouldnt go. But it depends if your mum would need your support?
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Mrs Kickstart
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PostPosted: 17:23 - 22 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi,

The only reasons to go are, becasue you care about the person that has died (which does not appear to be the case). Or because someone you do care about would be upset if you do not.

If your parents would be upset if you do not go then I would consider it.

It could be your parents are suddenly regretting that they did not see him before they died (I assume it was a classic family row). If they want to go they may just be looking for support on a difficult occasion.

It up to you in the end but what does it cost you to go ?

Regards
C
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casadunc
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Joined: 30 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: 21:28 - 22 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi.

I was in a similar position 2 years ago when my gran died. I couldn't stand the woman and she couldn't stand me.

My Dad was very upset so I attended or his sake, although I didn't really want to.

I think if she was aware I was there, which i doubt, she would have known I was not there for her benefit.

My Dad appreciated the effort I had made. He knew how I felt.

Hope everything goes ok for you which ever way you decide to go.

Caz
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mr.z
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PostPosted: 02:32 - 23 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the replys all, very much appreicated Thumbs Up

You know the sickest thing, the only time theres a family gathering is when somebody dies Rolling Eyes Laughing
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Steve H
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PostPosted: 09:12 - 23 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

mr.z wrote:
You know the sickest thing, the only time theres a family gathering is when somebody dies Rolling Eyes Laughing

That's just life mr.z, it's just the way of the world that people will all get together at events like these.

Outside of funerals, christenings and marriages, relatives who you might not see socially have their own lives to lead, their own circle of friends, their own hobbies, etc and so do you. You might not have anything in common with them at all other than a link via your family tree so it stands to reason that it's doubtful that you're gonna see them outside of family gatherings.

Personally if I were asked by my parents to go then I would, it's not really a day where you can give your own feelings too much thought - to use a terrible cliche it's about 'the bigger picture' - ie how your decision will affect the day and your family's opinion of you. If you go then I suspect your attendance won't be given too much thought other than people naturally showing their regret for your loss (whether you feel it or not). If you abstain then the 'story' of the day could be your non attendance. That could lead to ill feeling from some relatives towards you and maybe your parents for not insisting on your presence on such a poignant day.

It's terribly sad that you have to make this type of decision however I believe that it is a time when family does come first and respect (for the want of a better word) for that old fashioned institution is paramount.

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BIKELESS STEVE
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PostPosted: 13:37 - 23 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was in the same situation 2 months ago with my Grandad. Seen him 3 or 4 times in my life and only when WE went to see them.
My nan comitted suicide and he blamed my dad for 'being born' - (post natal depression) - Dad decided he was going to go (having only found out he'd died from someone in his local Shocked
Stood a few rows back from front, No-one talked to us but glad I went in the end, it's only an hour or so and once it's over it's over. Your parents will appreciate having someone there Karma
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carlnicholson...
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PostPosted: 03:39 - 25 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice to pay your respects, as they were, essentially, a family member. How you choose to do this, however, is entirely up to you.

Attending the funeral is one option, or simply fucking off to the pub and raising your pint at the bar is another.

Don't feel forced to do something you don't agree with. Just do waht YOU feel you need to do. Wink
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colin1
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PostPosted: 19:50 - 25 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think turning up to the funeral is more about keeping up appearances.

My grandma was pretty unpopular in our family but wasnt too bad if you only saw her once every few months. I wish I had gone round a bit more before she got ill and then died. I wasnt really into hanging out with grandma though.

I think if you go to the funeral, remember its something you are doing for your mum not your grandma. If you like your mum and want to keep her happy, you might as well go.

If you arent bothered about annoying your mum dont go. Even if she didnt get on with her mum, it will be hard for her to lose her. It a bit like losing what could have been.

I thought I was a bit cold not seeing by gran for a year or so at times, but i would have felt a bit guilty of doing ten years. Your family makes ours seem close by comparison.
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NSR125-Kid-UK
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PostPosted: 22:15 - 25 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

When people die, their everyday lives become enshrined in importance and gravitas.
"That's bob's favourite snooker cue, handle it with care"
"This's mark's favourite road, let's go here for a pilgrimage one day"...

When you're dead, you're a thousand times the person you ever were when you were alive. Every thing, every stupid thing that you didn't mean, that you say, becomes gospel. All your little habits become traditions - just like the "good old days"...

Life is for the living and it took me a long time to realise that.
Look at the funeral for what it is, not what it represents.
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Brava210
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PostPosted: 22:47 - 25 Feb 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think you know what to do .
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